this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
In America we eat man semen.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
