I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
