My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Randomize
