My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
And my parents said I crawled through the house
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
