Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
