i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
