I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
