I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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