I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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