What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
