how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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