wrigley field is MILF paradise
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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