i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize