how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
