Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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