And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
My bed smells like the plague
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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