Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
