We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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