woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
The Olympian is in my bed
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
