It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
