Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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