is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
