I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
