just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
