Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
