I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
She announced her abortion via fbk
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
