Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
