so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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