i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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