your room smells of hookers.
And success
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
