stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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