he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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