I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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