You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
