Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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