I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
