If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
