There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
