the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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