kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
