just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
