So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
