so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
