that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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