Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
