Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
