tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
