i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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