how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Ketchup is God's man juice
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
