I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
BRING THE BAGELS
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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