New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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