just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
