I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
