my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
