the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
We smell like vodka and hangover
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