so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
