just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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