i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
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Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
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"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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