the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
