So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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