I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Even my vagina gasped.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
