is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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