You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
