You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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