I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Edward fifth and chaser hands
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
